Word’s can wound, hurt, and heal. They have an incredible ability to express who we are on the inside that no other form of communication can compare with, but they also hold the power to traumatize and damage us every single day, and often the most hurt we receive is so subtle and subversive that we don’t even notice.

Sex- versus SEX+ language impacts our everyday life.  Image by E.M. Photography. Model: Christie.
SEX- versus SEX+ language impacts our everyday life.
Image by E.M. Photography. Model: Christie.

Ever been told “don’t hate the player, hate the game”? That saying is a prime example of how normalized sex negative words have become. The word “player” makes light of a man who sexualizes, objectifies and abuses women, and by saying “the game” it has turned something offensive (creeping for women to manipulate, use, and then leave) into something bordering on cute.

If someone has ever claimed they’ve been put in “the friend zone”, they’re taking what was commonly known as “unrequited love”and turning it from the fault of the aggressors into the fault of the victim. The man is no longer to blame for his feelings for a woman who has no interest in him, it’s that frigid harpies fault that he’s been relegated to a sexless nice-guy-only zone.

Popular culture is rife with songs, movies, and tv shows that normalize the words “slut”, “bitch”, “skank” or “twat”: all words that refer to the same idea of a woman. The idea that she is no longer a whole person, or a being worthy of respect and understanding; she has been reduced to a depthless creature of promiscuity and unwarranted hostility.

We, as a society must first recognize our rampant use of sex negative words, and work towards using sex positive ones instead. It isn’t always easy, as sometimes bad words are more fun to say and these days they’re so common that we don’t even realize we’re using them anymore. But words hurt, and just like the unrealistic images in magazines are damaging our impressionable youth so are negative stereotyping words that serve no purpose except to dehumanize the recipient.

Next time you blindly call someone something negative I recommend you take a step back and reasses the words you’re using, and make a concious effort to use sex positive words instead. Because someone out there is calling you a cunt behind your back, and it sure as hell hurts, and it sure as hell matters that they think they have the right to do that. No one should ever feel that they have more rights than anyone else to call others down, and judge them unfairly. By using sex positive words we can take a step in the direction of change, and we can take back our bodies, our sexualities, and ourselves. Own your vagina’s, ladies, because someone out there would like to call them “dick parking spots”, and they have no right to do so.

Check out my list of ways to work towards being SEX+ in your everyday life!

Sexuality and language aren’t the only ones that are currently at odds, we are in a war against words in non-sexy ways too! Find our list of slang that needs to be shredded asap HERE.


2 thoughts on “#SEX-”

  1. It’s true, sex negative words hurt my ears. I used to say things were “gay” when I was fourteen until someone pointed out that I was making “gay” into a derogatory thing, thereby making gay people derogatory.

    I’ve called friends “bitch” before and even though part of me thinks it’s cute, there’s a bigger part that feels like it’s wrong.

    If what you want to say can be taken the wrong way, just rephrase. Think before you speak, even if it takes you a while to think of the right words… the pause shows intelligence – not stupidity.


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